HIDDEN GUEST: Hotel Neptun Dubrovnik

Much ink has been spilt on the sheer beauty of Dubrovnik, a city that has become a recognisable brand and needs no introduction. The Pearl of the Adriatic, or King’s Landing in the Game of Thrones, is one of the first associations travellers have of the Adriatic, alongside Venice. Built around the medieval town of Ragusa, the city of Dubrovnik expanded onto the surrounding hills and the peninsulas surrounding the old town. Most hotels and resorts are located outside the confines of the historic city gates, on peninsulas and capes, cordoned off from the rest of town. Hotel Neptun Dubrovnik occupies the Lapad peninsula, a part of the Royal Dubrovnik Hotels & Resorts cluster, some fifteen minutes away from the old town by car. Overlooking the iconic Grebeni Lighthouse and the glistening Adriatic Sea, Hotel Neptun Dubrovnik’s trump card is the spectacular view. Despite the welcome secludedness of the resort, Hotel Neptun seems too far away from the city centre. The hotels within the cluster are scattered all around, which makes finding the hotel somewhat tricky. Generally, the location is fantastic for a resort, but access is disorientating.

Dubrovnik can be accessed by sea, air and land. The recently constructed Pelješac Bridge has finally connected Dubrovnik with the island of Pelješac and the rest of Croatia, shortening the drive by almost an hour. Should you head to Dubrovnik from the north of Croatia, you need not worry. The motorway snaking through Dalmatia is well-maintained and offers beautiful views of the islands protruding from the Adriatic. Air accessibility is equally superb, as Dubrovnik Airport offers 70 direct flights, including direct connections to the US, the Middle East and most of Europe. That may be an advantage, but given the city’s recent uproar about overtourism, the astonishing number of tourists could be detrimental to preserving the heritage. Cruise ships stop at Dubrovnik, too, although in Gruž, the modern part of the city. Alternative modes of transport are less praiseworthy. Flixbus does connect Split and Zagreb to Dubrovnik, but there is no direct train to reach the city. Should you reach Hotel Neptun by car, be on the lookout to find the right hotel. The signage is poorly visible, and the parking is unkept, which reminded us of improvised private parking areas found all over the Balkans. Luckily, there are some parking spots in the adjoining parking garage of the Royal Princess Hotel. The hotel must address the parking issue promptly.

Royal Neptun Hotel prides itself on over half a century of hospitality experience. Constructed in 1961 and hailed as one of the most iconic Croatian modernist hotels of its time, the hotel even featured in the film Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill. Today, that iconic charm has faded to a large extent. Royal Dubrovnik Hotels & Resorts would do well with a site visit to a few of Bodrum’s top resorts. The opulent Turkish hotels blend with the surroundings but appear elegant, refined and organic. In the case of Dubrovnik, the Royal Hotels & Resorts seem to encroach on the rocky outcrop with its colossal size and cold appearance. Upon setting foot in the lobby, we were impressed by the stunning views of the Adriatic. However, the generic decor and pastel hues (trending decades ago) render the hotel somewhat outdated. The narrow corridors, adorned with dull, black and white photos of Dubrovnik, further accent the obsolete style. The other facilities, including the restaurant and bar, follow a similar style. The silver lining is the breakfast terrace on the Royal Terrace, where guests can enjoy sunlight and take in the fresh sea breeze. The entire resort exudes coldness and seems to have been constructed with functionality in mind. We desperately missed eye-catching details or artwork from local artists.

We visited the hotel a week after it reopened following a winter slumber. Still, we did not expect the team to be in absolute disarray. Apart from Matija, the kind waiter who gladly made us a proper espresso that replaced the watery beverage we tried from the self-service coffee machine, the staff was incredibly uncooperative, ambivalent, and, we dare say, lazy. It might have been a consequence of the rainy week and the “bura” wind that makes locals grumpy, but we were appalled by the approach and the general unwelcome feeling during our stay. The food was equally disappointing, with a generic mix of sliders and dishes that belong in a three-star hotel. The bare minimum for breakfast in a four-star resort hotel is a few local dishes and a selection of eggs. Instead, the stale omelette and the cold vegetables were inedible. The buffet lunch at Royal Terrace is a tad better but still does not go beyond mediocre international classics. To taste something decent, we had to venture to La Castile Restaurant, where the food, albeit overpriced, was at least tasty. Regardless, this was one of the worst experiences we experienced in a long time. Neptun Hotel faces a kitchen and staff nightmare that even Gordon Ramsay would struggle to improve. Disastrous.

Hotel rooms

After an unfriendly, slow check-in, we had low expectations of the hotel room. As expected, the rooms are generic in design, with pastel colours we had seen in hundreds of other hotels and cheap furniture that tries to make up for the lack of space. The only advantage is the bathroom with a quality shower and an intriguing Grohe faucet. Also, the L’Occitane cosmetics are a welcome surprise and come in a shampoo dispenser. In the summertime, the balcony with two chairs and a partial sea view is a welcome addition. During our stay, the torrential rain and wind battering the balcony made it hard for us to sleep. In addition, the loud air-conditioning was disturbing, preventing us from sleeping. The bed itself was comfortable but could do with better bed linen. It is a shame the hotel did not design the rooms with the guests in mind but only used up the space to make as many tiny rooms as possible. The nearby Valamar Lacroma offers much more space and comfort for a comparable price.

Meetings centre

To say this hotel is a MICE hotel would be an outright lie. This hotel should be on the blacklist of any event organiser. During our stay, an event took place in the next-door Royal Princess Hall. Due to the torrential rain which had been pouring down in Dubrovnik, a leakage allowed raindrops to start dropping onto the floor of the main hall. Instead of solving the issue, the staff brought a red bucket to collect the water a metre away from the main stage. The organisers told us the staff were incompetent, the technical team practically nonexistent, and the halls and meeting rooms completely unprepared. We went to see for ourselves, only to glimpse kitsch unlike any other – loungers in various colours, outdated carpet flooring and uncomfortable chairs. Worse still is that the entire meeting centre is below ground with no daylight. Event organisers, we implore you to draw a huge X across this hotel and instead choose the tried-and-tested Valamar Lacroma. For Hotel Neptun to label itself as a MICE hotel is a disgrace.

DESSERT – The extras

There were hardly any positive surprises in this hotel. If we had to choose one, it would be the lovely view of the Adriatic from the lobby. Yet, with such underwhelming service, the views cannot compensate for the disastrous quality.

FLOP – UNPLEASANT SURPRISES

Where to begin: from the staff, seemingly bored and incredibly unkind, to the flaws in the design, such as the leakage in the meeting room, there were constant flops during our stay. This hotel should consider demoting itself to three stars. Dubrovnik may be a five-star destination, but this hotel is far from that.

TOP – POSITIVE SURPRISES

The spa is a welcome addition, featuring several therapies and massage options. Yet, given the number of rooms in the hotel, it seems somewhat boutique. The hotel management should consider expanding the spa to accommodate all guests.

SUSTAINABLE ENDEAVOURS

This hotel seems to have never heard about sustainability. In our room, we even found two tiny plastic bottles with body lotion that similar hotels had banned ages ago. Even the signs to save water, otherwise omnipresent in the hospitality industry, were missing. The gastronomy is everything but local or seasonal. Hotel Neptun should seriously consider joining a sustainability crash course to learn about saving energy, resources and the planet. Disappointing.

Dubrovnik deserves a better array of hotels, considering its acclaim as a world-renowned tourist destination. Hotel Neptun Dubrovnik does not live up to the four-star label, let alone the tag MICE hotel. We were disappointed by the generic design, cold staff members and tasteless cuisine. Even the excellent location and views of the Adriatic did not change our minds. The meeting halls and seminar rooms are poorly thought out, in the dimmed underground instead of on the top floors where daylight would flood the space. For the same price, you can find much more value in nearby hotels. The management has much work ahead if they wish to host a MICE event again. Hotel Neptun is a strange amalgam of bygone trends – a relic that should remain consigned to the past.

FINAL GRADE: 4.46 ONE MEETING STAR⭐ Resort Meeting Hotel 

3 MEETING STARS⭐⭐⭐ final score from 4.81 to 5.00
2 MEETING STARS⭐⭐ final score from 4.61 to 4.80
1 MEETING STAR⭐ final score from 4.41 to 4.60